with bended knee
we sit in shadows
watching as the world walks by,
heads down,
eyes transfixed,
wires dangle from ears,
and screens glow..
the random scream,
a few laughs and
squeaking wheels
as carts pulled behind,
pass by.
i watch you walking,
serious and tired.
an exhausted smile
on your face.. pushing,
no, pulling..
another saunter along.
everyone has a place
to go,
a place to be.. quickly.
i watch and wait and while
the hour goes.. reading
everything
in your body language and
hope to give encouragement..
and pass my day,
give a smile back to me,
once you've made it
your own.
"You are not missed."
Some days I imagine a note being
read.
Red
from embarrassment
I can not lift my head
from wont
and dread.
You are not missed.
You were a mistaken gift.
A milk spilled,
a letter mis-delivered.
"No one invited you Charlie Brown!"
and yet, I..
live.
and breath.
and walk the earth.
taking up space
I did not ask to take.
Excuse me.
Apologies.
I do my best
(though it's certainly not enough.)
I don't ask to be more,
just not less.
The world leaves me
breathless.
The beauty I see
is all around me.
And there's so much
MORE
I don't know!
But I could hide
in a hole.
Where no one sees,
I could pretend to never be.
a faceless face of misery.
Why should I care if
no one misses me?
I was not meant to be,
but here I am.
Loving so much,
but some days
I just can't stand.
I want to curl up
in a ball,
(eat the whole pie..)
filling up
and covering down.
Keeping quiet and underground.
I would disappear and
not be lost.
I am not missed,
to be found.
Yesterday's sky
was full of grey
walking Olympic
and on my way;
And hoping it would
get better yet,
but it rained on me
before it cleared,
and then it seemed
almost near perfect,
and full of promise.
But it never seems
to start that way.
